Self-Care Toolbox

       In a previous blog I spoke about suicide and mental health. In that blog I mentioned a "toolbox" that can be used to help when we fall into a bad head space or in crisis. This toolbox is filled with what works best for the individual; we have control over what gets put in this toolbox because we know what works best for us. Not every situation is the same and because we are all individuals, not every tool works the same for each person. Self-Care is exactly that; what we do to take care of ourselves and deal with our situations in a way that will help keep us calm and safe.

       In order to build (fill) your toolbox, you first have to recognize what it looks like when you are well and what it looks like when you are not. For example: when I am well, I have more energy to do things, I take care of my grooming, hygiene, and I sleep well at night. When I am not well, I don't shower every day, I don't feel like getting out of bed, and I don't have the energy to go out or talk to anyone.                    Part of gathering tools for your toolbox is also recognizing what makes you happy; what makes you feel good. For me, I love working on art projects, reading about subject matters that interest me. I enjoy listening to music; especially contemporary Christian music because it lifts me up. I like to keep up with my friends and family whether it be by phone, text, or a visit when possible. All of the things that you enjoy and that make you feel good are essential for your toolbox. Also, one of the most important things you need is a good and solid support system. How many people in your life can you truly count on? How many people can you honestly call when you feel like you are at your lowest and they are there for you; to be with you and to listen to you? 

       When I was learning about how to build my toolbox, I was told I should pick 5 people that would be a good support. I found that very difficult because I am very picky about who I allow in my life; this is also a good practice in staying safe and caring for your well- being. So, I didn't have 5 people that I felt comfortable enough with to call when I needed help; but I did have 3. The reason it's important to have more than one person, if possible, is because we don't want to keep calling on the same person for support if we normally need allot of it. We don't want to bog that one person down to the point where they start to resent us; I hope that makes sense. Anyway, I spoke to those I chose to be my support and to help me stay safe and well by being there for me when I needed someone to talk to or even just be with in order to not be alone when I was having a bad day. After they agreed, I knew I was set with a good support system and yes, they have been. Therapy has also been a help for me and may be something for you to think about; to see if it's something that works for you.

       Now, you have examples of what you may look like when you are not well and what you look like when you are well. Again, it is different for everyone. Recognizing the "red flags" is important so that you can dip into that toolbox and start taking care of yourself. When my depression starts to go south and I recognize the signs that I am not doing well, I go to my toolbox and pull out what I feel can help me. I might pull out some art supplies and work on a project to help me focus more on something I enjoy and less on the negative thoughts or feelings I experience at the time. I may not feel very artistic that day and so I pull out my music and listen to it as I choose something else to keep busy and focus on; it could be the dishes or making my bed; hell, sometimes it's listening to music while I work on an art project. Again, I choose the tools I want to use that I know will help me stabilize my depression and get me back on track to feeling well. I may be having such a bad day or week that I need to go to my support people and call a friend to talk to. Build a toolbox that works for you. Think about who you have in your life that you can truly count on to call when you need support.  

       One last thing that is very important to know and understand. Depending on the person and situation, you may find ourselves in such a bad place when nothing in your toolbox is going to help. You may be in a place where you feel so lost and feel like you are in a hole that you can't get out of; maybe even feel like you don't want to live anymore. This is when you are in crisis and if that happens, there is still help. Of course, you can call 911. There is also the following you can do: call the suicide/crisis hotline at 1-800-273-8255. You can also text Hello to 741741. If you are interested on getting information for Support Groups or any other information regarding mental health, you can check out the National Alliance on Mental Illness at www.nami.org. 

       I know this was allot, but if this helps even one person, I am a happy camper 😊 

       

Suicide; It Needs to Be Discussed

        The subject of Mental Health has become very important to me; more so in the last ten years or so. I hadn't truly realized the stigma that comes with a diagnosis regarding mental health until my own mental health started to decline. There are many different types of mental health illnesses, especially under the umbrella of depression. Too many people misunderstand depression. Many think that being depressed is just feeling blue because the day didn't go quite the way we wanted; you got a low grade on a test or failed a test. Maybe a relationship has gone south and you're feeling heartbroken and don't want to do anything or go anywhere. Sure, these can make a person feel depressed, but eventually, you get better grades, you pass that test, or eventually, the pain from the loss of that relationship starts to decrease and you're able to move on. Depression (clinical depression) doesn't go away; it only becomes somewhat manageable whether with, or even without medication depending on the diagnosis and severity of the depression. Therapy is important and so is a good support system in family and friends. I have learned that those of us who have mental health diagnosis, can build what's called a self-care toolbox to help during difficult times. I will discuss the toolbox in a future blog. For now, I want to discuss the subject of suicide.

       The subject of suicide, which has allot to do with depression, is just as taboo as depression itself. It is hard to talk about the reasons behind one's decision to die by suicide. It's easier to just say that choosing suicide is a selfish act or that choosing suicide shows how weak a person is. But is that true? Is choosing death by suicide selfish and weak? Or is it more like we are being selfish because we never bothered to understand why one would choose suicide, and we are weak because we are the ones that can't handle the truth behind the thoughts or actions regarding suicide? That's something to think about. I cannot discuss the reasons behind someone else's choice toward suicide. I can only discuss my own thoughts of suicide and my own reasons behind attempts to take my own life. Even if I can help only one person have an understanding about suicidal thoughts or ideations, I will be a happy camper. Before I say any more, please understand that I will not share how I have attempted because the "how" is not important. It's the "why" that's important.

       As someone who suffers with Major depressive disorder, among other diagnosis, I can tell you that there have been a few times I have wanted to die by suicide and have made attempts to do so. My last attempt was in August of 2015. Believe it or not, as is true for most, I did not want to die; I still don't. What I wanted, and sometimes still want, is for the pain to go away; the daily physical pain due to some physical health issues, but more so because of the emotional pain I deal with on a daily basis. Suicide, for me, was not about dying; it was about stopping the pain because there didn't seem to be any other way to do that. I felt tired; tired of fighting, tired of not feeling like I was good enough, tired of so many things that I actually had no control over. I felt like everyone would be better off without me and that I would be better off dead. Telling someone they are selfish for feeling this way does not help at all. In fact, it just makes things worst. And, a person who is judgmental about it is generally someone that should not be in my life. A person who contemplates suicide needs support, not judgment. If you cannot provide that support, well, I guess you should really take a look at your definition of friendship or family...... Just sayin 😶

       If anyone who is reading this feels like they are at that point where nothing else but dying seems to be the best answer, stop. I know it's hard and I know that it seems like there is nowhere and no one to turn to. But please don't. I can tell you from experience that there is help and that, if given time, it really does get better. Will it ever be perfect? No; but it can get better. Will the pain fully go away? Possibly not; but there are ways to work through it. Do I still have suicidal ideations? Yes; but I have learned how to work through it and take each day as it comes, one day at a time and sometimes, one moment at a time; it really can get better. I hope this has been helpful.

       There is support and different programs that be helpful. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a great resource. They have been a great help for me and I am a member of the organization as well. I have taken many different types of training for self-care as well as training to provide support for others.  Check it out........ www.nami.org.