Suicide; It Needs to Be Discussed

        The subject of Mental Health has become very important to me; more so in the last ten years or so. I hadn't truly realized the stigma that comes with a diagnosis regarding mental health until my own mental health started to decline. There are many different types of mental health illnesses, especially under the umbrella of depression. Too many people misunderstand depression. Many think that being depressed is just feeling blue because the day didn't go quite the way we wanted; you got a low grade on a test or failed a test. Maybe a relationship has gone south and you're feeling heartbroken and don't want to do anything or go anywhere. Sure, these can make a person feel depressed, but eventually, you get better grades, you pass that test, or eventually, the pain from the loss of that relationship starts to decrease and you're able to move on. Depression (clinical depression) doesn't go away; it only becomes somewhat manageable whether with, or even without medication depending on the diagnosis and severity of the depression. Therapy is important and so is a good support system in family and friends. I have learned that those of us who have mental health diagnosis, can build what's called a self-care toolbox to help during difficult times. I will discuss the toolbox in a future blog. For now, I want to discuss the subject of suicide.

       The subject of suicide, which has allot to do with depression, is just as taboo as depression itself. It is hard to talk about the reasons behind one's decision to die by suicide. It's easier to just say that choosing suicide is a selfish act or that choosing suicide shows how weak a person is. But is that true? Is choosing death by suicide selfish and weak? Or is it more like we are being selfish because we never bothered to understand why one would choose suicide, and we are weak because we are the ones that can't handle the truth behind the thoughts or actions regarding suicide? That's something to think about. I cannot discuss the reasons behind someone else's choice toward suicide. I can only discuss my own thoughts of suicide and my own reasons behind attempts to take my own life. Even if I can help only one person have an understanding about suicidal thoughts or ideations, I will be a happy camper. Before I say any more, please understand that I will not share how I have attempted because the "how" is not important. It's the "why" that's important.

       As someone who suffers with Major depressive disorder, among other diagnosis, I can tell you that there have been a few times I have wanted to die by suicide and have made attempts to do so. My last attempt was in August of 2015. Believe it or not, as is true for most, I did not want to die; I still don't. What I wanted, and sometimes still want, is for the pain to go away; the daily physical pain due to some physical health issues, but more so because of the emotional pain I deal with on a daily basis. Suicide, for me, was not about dying; it was about stopping the pain because there didn't seem to be any other way to do that. I felt tired; tired of fighting, tired of not feeling like I was good enough, tired of so many things that I actually had no control over. I felt like everyone would be better off without me and that I would be better off dead. Telling someone they are selfish for feeling this way does not help at all. In fact, it just makes things worst. And, a person who is judgmental about it is generally someone that should not be in my life. A person who contemplates suicide needs support, not judgment. If you cannot provide that support, well, I guess you should really take a look at your definition of friendship or family...... Just sayin 😶

       If anyone who is reading this feels like they are at that point where nothing else but dying seems to be the best answer, stop. I know it's hard and I know that it seems like there is nowhere and no one to turn to. But please don't. I can tell you from experience that there is help and that, if given time, it really does get better. Will it ever be perfect? No; but it can get better. Will the pain fully go away? Possibly not; but there are ways to work through it. Do I still have suicidal ideations? Yes; but I have learned how to work through it and take each day as it comes, one day at a time and sometimes, one moment at a time; it really can get better. I hope this has been helpful.

       There is support and different programs that be helpful. The National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) is a great resource. They have been a great help for me and I am a member of the organization as well. I have taken many different types of training for self-care as well as training to provide support for others.  Check it out........ www.nami.org. 

       

Where is your faith part 2 of 2

       Faith, defined in Hebrews 11:1, "is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen". What does that mean? It means that faith is believing that what we hope for, what we pray for, we actually have it even before it is manifested. For example, though I don't have the initial funds to get a much needed car, I will pray for it, hope for it and believe that, somehow, God will make it so that I get a car. The hope is for a car. The evidence of things not seen is my faith and total belief that God will provide a vehicle for me and thank Him for answered prayer; the evidence not seen. No one fully understands God's timing and so we have to believe in Him that our hope will be manifested and hold on to that faith and be patient for God's blessing. Then, when least expected, God answers that prayer, that thing hoped for. God, through His Spirit, places a call upon someone who is getting rid of a perfectly good vehicle and that person gift's you that car, free and clear. The evidence of things not seen is the work of God through the actions of the Spirit and an obedient person of faith. I know, sounds pretty crazy doesn't it? Like, do things like this really happen? These kinds of things do happen; it did happen. This gift of a car actually happened to me. There have been so many blessings that the Lord has provided and I am ever thankful to God for keeping all of His promises.

       As adults, it is very difficult to find that childlike faith within us. That child went away a long time ago and had been covered up with life's experiences both good and bad. However, that child is still within us and that faith, that childlike faith is definitely attainable. Don't get me wrong, when we hope for or pray for something, it is not realistic to think that the answer will come right away all of the time. Though there are times when they do, more often, we have to ait and that is when our faith is tested; that's when we need to trust Him and know that He is working to answer your prayer. My prayer for the car came within several months. My prayer to find my biological father came after 32 years of searching and praying. The point is that we have to hold on to our faith and believe that God will answer our prayers and He will make sure to do so right on time. The Apostle Paul mentions that God deals to each of us a measure of faith (Romans12:3), so we need to learn how to hone in on that faith and believe that no matter how small we think our faith is, God can still use it. So where is your faith? Dig down deep and find that inner child and you may find that measure of faith that's needed to keep hope alive and to allow God to manifest that which you hope. God is awesome at that.

     

     

Where is your faith? Part 1

       There was a time when Jesus and his disciples were on a boat. As Jesus slept, a storm approached and as it grew stronger causing water to enter the boat, the men feared for their lives. They woke Jesus up asking that He save them because their lives were surely in danger. When Jesus woke up He asked why the men were so afraid and said "O you of little faith"; then Jesus stood up, rebuked the storm and then, the storm was gone, The guys were in awe and were like, "who can this be that even the winds and the sea obey Him?" (Matthew 8:23-26)
       There was another time when the disciples were out on the boat. Jesus was not with them at that time, but eventually, they saw Jesus walking on the water toward them. They freaked a bit and thought maybe it was a ghost, but Jesus spoke out to let them know that it was indeed Him. Peter called out to Jesus and asked to prove that it was indeed him and told Jesus to command that Peter too walked on the water. So Jesus did, and Peter walked on water; until a wave came and became afraid and started to sink. Jesus pulled him up to safety and once again said "O you of little faith, why did you doubt?"
(Matthew 14:25-31)

       Doubt and Fear have been the enemy of God and His children from the very beginning as read in Genesis regarding the fall of man, Adam & Eve disobeying God. They are strong adversaries and more often then not, doubt and fear find a way into our hearts causing us to miss out on the blessings God has for us and miss out on being witness, through personal experience, to the power and never broken promises of God. Doubt says miracles don't happen anymore. Fear says I'm not good enough and will never be good enough for God to bless me. Let me tell you something about doubt and fear; they are the spawn of lies which smoothly slithers out of the mouth of God's enemy. There is a weapon that is available to all of us that can and will defeat the lies of doubt and fear; and that weapon is faith. It's not just any faith, but the faith of a child.
       A child's faith is unwavering, it's raw; a child has perfectly blind faith. When the disciples asked Jesus who was the greatest in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus pointed out a child and said "unless you are converted and become as little children, you will by no means enter the kingdom of heaven. Therefore, who ever humbles himself as this little child is the greatest in the kingdom of heaven..." (Matthew 18:1-4). Obviously a grown adult cannot magically transform into a child. However, as adults we need to be as humble as a child, unconditionally loving like a child, fully trusting like a child and as faithful as a child to God. That means believing in and having faith in God; as a child would. Where is your faith; where on the line of adulthood does your ability to be like a child lay?

Where the heck is God & why is He doing this?

       During this time of uncertainty it is easy to become afraid and unsure of the future. Social distancing a key to staying safe even though there are many who do not care to follow the rules. Hording and selfishness causing doubt about humanity's ability to come together to combat an invisible enemy. Thank God, however, for those who do what is necessary to keep each other safe; not only to the point of losing their jobs, but even to the point of losing their own lives. Often, it is times like these, because of fear and anger, that many ask where is God and why is He doing this.
       Make no mistake, God is still here and He is not the one to blame; though it is easy to blame Him because we don't want to take responsibility for our own actions. Blaming God is easy; look what happened with Adam and Eve. Eve chose to listen to the serpent and Adam chose to listen to Eve and then Adam had the audacity to try and place fault and blame on both Eve and even on God when Adam said to God "the woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me of the tree and I ate" (Genesis 3:11). The fact of the matter is that both Adam and Eve were at fault for making the choice to disobey God. The same holds true even today. Man is free to make decisions, even bad decisions; and when he/she has to live with the consequences of their actions, they want to blame God. We are where we are today because of the actions, or inaction, of man, not God.

       Anyone who truly knows God and has a relationship with the Father, I pray, will remember His truth and His promises. Yes, I include myself because I too can fall into the thoughts created by fear. I am by no means perfect nor claim to be. So this is just as much for me as it may be for many of you. Regardless of what is going on in the world we must remember that God is always with us and will strengthen us and uphold us in His righteous right hand (Isaiah 41:10).  He promised to never leave nor forsake us (Hebrews 13:5). We either believe in His word and His promises or we don't; there is no in between. We are hot or we are cold, but we cannot be Luke warm and straddle the fence; (Revelation 3:15-16; 1 John 2:15-16). We have to remember whom we serve and whom we worship. We have to remember that God is not a man and so does not lie or change His mind about anything that He says (Numbers 23:19). So during this time of uncertainty, we have to remember to do our part and pray; pray for those who have chosen to fight the good fight for all of us. Pray for them and their families. Pray for those who are forced to work though unessential workers; for those who are forced to work because they have no choice. Pray for our leaders, whether we like them or not. Pray because God hears us. Pray to God the Father, by the power of the name Jesus the Christ and the action by that power in the movement of the Holy Spirit..............
Amen.

     

     

     
     
     

HE Will Make A Way

"He will make a way".

This is something that has been popping in my head for almost a month. An affirmation that would come to fruition when I least expected it. I have always been lacking in the patience department and always pray that God will help me be more patient; not just with the general things in life, but also when it comes to God and the prayers I lift up to Him. God definitely works with me to be more patient as He sometimes waits until that eleventh hour to answer my prayer; and of course,  during the hours prior, I get anxious and worried. Though I know better, I worry about whether or not God has heard my prayer; though deep down inside I know He has.

During the waiting process He does remind me of His promises. He reminds me that I need to be quiet and rest in Him; to be still, know and trust that He is God (Psalm 46). He reminds me that, regardless of what I want, He knows what I need and He has a plan for me. He reminds me that I am never alone as He is always with me and will never leave me (Hebrews 13). I have to be patient and trust in Him knowing that His plan will provide a future and a hope (Jeremiah 29). He reminds me that He is God; and unlike a man, does not lie and does not change His mind (Numbers 23). God has always been faithful and true to His word. It's always me that second guesses things because I am human, impatient and tend to rely on my perception of how things should be and how quickly the things that I want to happen need to happen. I forget sometimes that I can't do that; I can't hold on to my way of understanding because, compared to God, I understand nothing. If I want God to bless my life, to show me what He wants and where He wants me to go, I have to acknowledge Him and and trust in His plan so that He will tell me where to go or what to do (Proverbs 3). It's taken me a very long time to have the kind of trust and belief in God and in His promises. But when I made the decision to believe, to trust and to build my faith in Him, He has shown me His love, His mercy, and yes, His provision. 

I have been through a lot in this year of 2019. And it has gone by so very fast. I have kept communication with my heavenly Father and kept seeking the things of God through the teaching of His Son Jesus and and through the power and counsel of the Holy Spirit. I am not perfect and I know that I have disappointed the Father a time or two, but the good thing is that He continues to be with me and that His love is unconditional. As the close of 2019 commences, my awesome God continues to bless me even with my imperfections. A couple that I know, who will remain nameless out of respect for their humbleness, surprised me with a car. I believed that I was meeting up with them about a much needed space for Healthy Concepts, the nonprofit I volunteer at. When I got there, I was handed a title and keys to a car. I thought I was on some kind of hidden camera show because these things I've only seen on tv. But it was real. They wanted to be a blessing to someone who needed a vehicle and they gave it to me. I believe that God answered one of my prayers through them. God uses anyone He chooses to be a blessing to someone and He used them. I so pray that God bless them both tenfold for their obedience to His Holy Spirit. I believe that God is closing this year on a positive note for me, which gives me hope for what's to come in 2020. 

So on this day, December 31, 2019, I praise God for His movement in my life, for blessing me with awesome friends and family, and for His love and His provision. I will continue my life's journey with God in the forefront. I pray for a blessed and prosperous New Year for all who are reading this now. I do pray that, regardless of your faith in God or lack of faith in God, that He bless you and keep you in His mighty hand and under His wing. 

Happy New Year!!!

$$ "Happy Holidays/Merry Christmas" $$$

Truth pill to swallow;

Everyone who truly knows me understands and knows that I am a Christian; not in name only. I truly believe in and have a relationship with Jesus The Christ and do my best to strengthen and hold on to my faith IN HIM and his promises no matter how bleak life feels at time. I believe in and try to follow the teachings of The Christ; hence the name "Christian" and everything God will always be first in my life. 

With that said I want to share something that might upset some people; Oh no, me upset people?? LOL. Anyhoot, what I am about to say is exactly what I believe and how I feel. And no, no particular reason for this lil rant. 

We say "Happy Holidays" because saying Merry Christmas may upset those who are not Christian or upset those of organized religion that have members of the Christian faith. After all, there are many religious holidays during this time of year for Christians, pagans, and others........  

https://www.deseretnews.com/article/865642813/These-are-the-14-religious-holidays-believers-celebrate-in-December.html

Many Christians get upset and cry "Jesus IS the reason for the season and I will continue to say "Merry Christmas".  For a long time I was on this train every year; now, not so much. Truth pill; Jesus really isn't the reason for the season. In fact, He was not born on December 25th. He was born some time during mid to late Autumn..... September, October, somewhere around there. We celebrate the birth of Christ on December 25th because that is when the church decided to celebrate it in order to "fit in" with the pagans or other non-believers in order to get them to convert to Christianity and start attending church. Long story so do the research. Even after learning the truth about this I will continue to say "Merry Christmas" and celebrate the season which would include love and good will toward man since, after all, it has been adopted as a "Christian" holiday regardless of the truth behind it. I highly doubt God would mind lol.

Now; Here's some more (sad) truth; with every year that passes by Christmas becomes less and less about God, love, hope, and good will. It becomes more and more about SALES, SALES, SALES. This year, as I walked through a walmart a day or so after Halloween, and Christmas music was playing. What?! We weren't even anywhere near Thanksgiving yet. The sad thing is that this gets worst and worst each year and you want to know why? Because WE make it that way. Sale, Sale, Sale; Buy, Buy, Buy. If there were no one to line up in front of stores, camp outside of stores all night, and then charge through the doors as they barely open, trampling and hurting others for that SALE, Christmas might still look and feel like Christmas. Shame on us. What had eventually become a Christian Holiday as we celebrate the birth of our King during that time has started to change into a holiday for sales; for money $$$$$. 

I wonder how many people would be willing to give up one Christmas of gift buying and simply make Christmas about spending quality time with family and close friends. You know, no gifts, just building and strengthening relationships. Oh but the kids; yeah, yeah, yeah, they'll get over it. Besides, what truly more important to to teach our kids? It's all about the gifts or it's all about the love. There really is no in between. UGH... I need some water to swallow these truths.

MERRY CHRISTMAS

At The End of The Day, Does it Matter?

At the end of the day, what truly matters? You can label yourself a Republican or a Democrat, but at the end of the day does it really matter? Have you shown love today? Have you given an ear for someone to listen or a shoulder for someone to cry on? Have you shared some laughter or some joy with anyone? When the day turns to night and you lay your head on your pillow, are you satisfied? Are you content? Can you come to The Father with your prayers knowing you did His work today? If you died tonight, does what you did today matter?

You can label yourself straight or gay, but at the end of the day does it truly matter? Have you lent your hand to help someone in need today? Have you fed the hungry? Have you clothed the naked? Have you sheltered the homeless? When the day turns to night, was there a life you made happier? was there a soul you gave joy to? When you lay your head on your pillow, are you satisfied? Are you content? Can you come to The Father with your needs knowing you helped others with theirs? If you died tonight, does what you did today matter?

You can label yourself Christian or label yourself as what ever man-made religion you choose to call yourself, but at the end of the day, does it truly matter? Have you treated someone with kindness today? Have you shown compassion and selflessness today? Have you protected the weak or shown mercy today? When the day turns to night and you lay your head on your pillow, are you satisfied? Are you content? Can you come to The Father with your hopes and dreams knowing you helped someone with theirs? If you died tonight, does what you did today matter?